Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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