I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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