ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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