All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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