we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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