Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
