This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
