I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
