At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
