Girls should come with a carfax report
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
