His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
