I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
