Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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