I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
