I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
