Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
