You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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