Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
