so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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