Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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