I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
