They should really pass out barf bags in church
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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