how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
