Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize