I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So much rum. So many feels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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