i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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