he thought i was a dude.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
