I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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