dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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