my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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