This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
