I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
