Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
