Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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