Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
