im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
