apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
