I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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