Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
