Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
