I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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