i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
