We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
