if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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