So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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