At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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