i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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