I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
