obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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