And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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