if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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