Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
