Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
