Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Randomize
