Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
