dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
