Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
two words...techno handjob
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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