we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
