also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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