hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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