just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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