Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
