There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
