Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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