I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just puked most of my soul out..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize